Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Twinkle Star Shining Bright

Cancer sucks.

We just want this to be over now, Aunty La is having a long and drawn out death and it is horrible way to die.

I had a chat with Angus, I need to explain what is happening. This is my job. He knows that is Aunty La is sick.

I'm going to record our conversation here, so that one day when my husband is alright he will read this, and see what a wonderful son we have.

I have already had small chats with him, but today was my big serious one. This is what we said.

"Angus sometimes people get so sick that they die. They go to hospital but the doctor cant fix them, they are so sick they just dont get better".

"So where do they go mummy?"

"Well they go up to the stars, and that is where Aunty La will go."

"But she will fall off?"

"No she will hold on tight and sit up there on the biggest star"

"But how we will see her, its too far away?".

"Well she wont ever be coming back down, but she will be able to sit up there and see us. And we will see the shining star watching us."

"But we need her here in Royal Oak".

"No darling she wont be coming back to Royal Oak, and she wont be at nana & poppas and she wont be at her house. She will live up in the stars now, way up high. Just sitting there and watching us."

"oh she will be next to the moon"

"Yes thats right Angus"

"but what about the clouds if it rains?"

"Her star is above the clouds, she will look down and see the clouds and then look down down down and see us at our house. She lives way up high high high".

SO sad. But i was able to say it without crying, and he really did seem to udnerstand. at first i was thinking i would say that she was going to turn into a star, but that didnt really swing that way in our conversation. so now she is sitting on a star. That seems to make more sense, cos how does a person turn into a star silly me. Much easier to explain and think of her sitting on one.

And the good thing is that last week I ran this idea past Allison, and she liked it. She's not really a heaven believer.

ok that is it. lets just hope that it happens tonight.

EDIT It happened on Wednesday morning. I was telling Angus that it had happened, and he asked me:

"how did she get to the star Mummy, did she jump on a trampoline or did Poppa throw her"

"I'm not sure ANgus, I didnt see it happen. But Poppa was with her"

Angus replied "Fluffbum (her cat) will miss his Mummy now, we'll have to help Fluffbum to be happy"