8 weeks

Its been 8 weeks now since Allison died. It feels like forever, but then like it was only yesterday. Surely it hasnt been 8 weeks? It feels like it was all a dream, and that it hasnt really happened.

Everyone else is moving on so quickly.

Everything is cleaned out. All that remains is the cat Fluffbum.

Because she was in the UK, all her stuff was in boxes, she didnt have much stuff anyway.

Some days I think why was it her, it could have been me. It could have been Bruce. But it was her.

My husband thinks that deep deep down in her inner being, she knew she was going to die. Like ages ago, before she got sick. She never settled, she always had travelled. Maybe that was why.

I feel guilty that I am alive.

Things are moving on. I think of Lochies development in terms of before and after she died. Like jsut before she died baby Lochie had started to sit up. But now that she has been dead 8 weeks the baby has learnt to crawl.

I am sorry that she had to die.